By: Dean Kelly
I was talking to a friend of mine who just lost his wife recently. He is one of those people who is extremely talented with his hands. He can build about anything. He is just a very nice person who loved his wife dearly. They were married for many years. He had gone through bypass surgeries, and other health issues. No one would have predicted that he would be left behind. Yet, that is exactly what happened.
We were talking about his son, who is sick with the creeping crud. My friend commented, “I hope I don’t get it, because if I do, I don’t have anyone to take care of me.” It touched me when he said that. He is not wallowing in self-pity. He simply stated the facts, as he sees them. He is, for lack of a better word, lost without her. He has family who loves him dearly. He has good friends, but none of those can fill that gaping hole that losing her has put into his life. So, it made me think and want to jot down some thoughts.
If you have a mate, don’t ever take him or her for granted. Life is so uncertain. If you have a mate who loves you, then, you are blessed beyond measure. Don’t ever forget that, and don’t ever let your spouse forget that you cherish him or her.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her…husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself… “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” …let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:25–33)
Don’t waste time on anger with one another. Of course, two human beings are not going to always agree, and sometimes they will get angry with each other. However, every moment spent in anger is a moment wasted and thrown away. I have seen some who seem to feel that if they get over being angry too quickly that they have somehow lost. The truth is that the longer you stay angry, the more you lose, and the more your mate does. Dwelling in anger is destructive and wasteful. What if those angry words are the last thing your mate ever hears from your lips? “‘Be angry, and do not sin’: do not let the sun go down on your wrath” (Ephesians 4:26).
Don’t pass up any opportunity to express your love for your mate, verbally or in your actions. You have never been married long enough, or known each other well enough, that you and your mate don’t need to hear the words, “I love you.” Try to make the first words in the morning and the last words at night expressions of love. Try to never walk out the door and leave your mate without restating that love. Do everything that you can to make sure that if something happens to one of you, the last words that will have been spoken between you were words of love. Always show your love in the way you treat one another and act toward one another. Never condescend, ridicule or misuse your mate verbally—publicly or privately. Build them up. If someone asks me what I would change about my wife, my answer is, “Nothing.” If there is something that is a problem, I will talk to her. If it is not worth talking to her about something, I certainly won’t talk to her about it. Furthermore, I will not tolerate anyone talking bad about her either! Though applicable generally, the principle of 1 Peter 4:8 applies to spouses, too. “And above all things have fervent love for one another, for ‘Love will cover a multitude of sins.’”
Hold your mate tightly so that even if something happens, you will still be holding him or her tightly in your heart (Ruth 1:14-17). My friend loves his wife dearly. Just because she has moved on into eternity, that fact does not change. May we build such memories and such a strong relationship that death parts us but does not shake our love for the lost mate! May we have held our mate so tightly in our arms and in our hearts that that feeling never fades away, though one departs!
