A Humorous Wedding

Several years ago I was called upon to perform a wedding for a man and woman who were both in their sixties. The bride wore a blue flowered dress and carried a bouquet of artificial flowers, glass vase and all. She was cute to behold, as she had a potbelly and appeared to be toothless. The groom came to the wedding in blue jeans and wore an old beige colored shirt. He was also a snuff user as it was showing in the crevices that extended down from the corners of his mouth. With the church building filled to capacity and time for the ceremony to begin, the groom turned and asked me in a loud voice, “Is ten dollars enough Larry?” I answered “Yes, that is fine.” The bride entered and the ceremony began. Part way through the ceremony, the groom got confused and started to kiss his bride. This of course caused some chuckles from those present. After the ceremony, the newly wed husband told me in jest that in the morning he was going to suggest to his bride that she should put his pants on and when she refused, he was going to tell her, “Just remember who wears the pants in this family.” After being married, they lived happily in a one-room shanty and when visiting the neighbors, the husband drove a riding lawnmower with his new bride in a cart behind him. [Editor’s Note: Preachers are invited to submit amusing incidents that have occurred over the …

The Brass Collection Plate

The following happened at a small country church near Freed-Hardeman University in Tennessee. Brother Eugene Hibbett, recently retired from Freed-Hardeman University, tells about preaching for a small country church in Tennessee where the husband of’ one of the members had attended for years, but had never obeyed the Gospel. One Sunday after the morning service, brother Hibbett went to his home, studied with him and was thrilled when the man agreed to return to the building to be baptized into Christ. Because it was a small congregation, the newly baptized brother was the only one taking communion at the evening service. They passed the bread, and he partook without incident. Similarly, he drank of the cup. But then they passed the offering plate. It was of old design, made of brass and rather deep. He looked at it, not knowing what it was, and finally — spit in it! Brother Hibbett says that after the man realized what he had done, he was so embarrassed that it took a long time to ever get him to come back.

Your Other Right!

The following account was related to the Editor, but to protect the innocent (as well as the guilty), the names of all parties are withheld. A preacher and his wife were visiting an Ohio town, in which the preacher was applying for the pulpit work with the local church. The preacher and his wife were lodging with one of the elders and his wife. As the elder and the preacher conversed into the night, their respective wives retired for the evening. Finally, the elder and the preacher also decided to retire for the night, at which time the elder advised the preacher that the room in which he was to sleep was at the top of the stairs on the right. The preacher promptly ascended the stairs and opened the first door on the left, whereupon he happened upon the elder’s wife standing there completely naked! By the way, the preacher didn’t get the job! [Editor’s Note: Preachers are invited to submit amusing incidents that have occurred over the years during their ministries for possible inclusion in the pages of Gospel Gazette Online. Someday, these stories may also be converted to book format.]

What Will Your Answer Be?

When one looks back over forty-five years of preaching, it is very difficult to choose just one particular occasion and say that it is the funniest thing that ever happened. But, one situation does come to mind that I have told often and will share with you. It happened during that part of the worship which should be very solemn, the offering of the invitation. Let me help you understand the setting. I was preaching in a small community, a suburb of a large city in Central Ohio. The little town was divided into two sections, old ___________ and new _________. The newer section of town was largely business surrounded by new housing developments. Among the businesses were several places where one could purchase alcoholic beverages. In fact, a real nuisance existed in the form of a real roadhouse, notorious for late night brawls which disturbed the peace and tranquility of the neighbors. So, an all out effort was being made to put a referendum on the ballot which would make all of the city “dry” as was the older section. One of our brethren, a deacon and a very prominent businessman in town was heading the drive. He was also on city council and was running for president of council. One Sunday I preached on The Sin Of Strong Drink. At the appropriate time I offered the invitation. Imagine standing before a congregation of 200 people and being led in What Will Your Answer Be?, the first line of which is, “Some day …

Adventures of Eddie Cooper

While living in Hanoverton, Ohio, there was a man who was terminally ill with cancer who decided to obey the gospel. We were thrilled with his decision to say the least. But, there were problems with baptizing him. He had tubes through his body that the doctors said could not get wet. Finally, I convinced the doctor that we would do all that we could to keep the openings from getting wet. How to do that was another problem. A fellow gospel preacher by the name of Glen Logston was preaching in Lisbon, Ohio at the time and I asked him if he could come over and assist me with the baptism. I had given this a great deal of thought and came up with the idea of using a Hefty garbage bag to put over him and tying it at both ends to keep the water from getting in. Well, we all got into the water very carefully, making sure that the bag did not leak. As we were about to baptize him, lowering him into the water, the bag filled up with air and did not permit us to completely immerse him. So, I quickly raised one leg on to the inflated bag and pushed with all my might to get him under. It worked!!! Glen could hardly keep from laughing as he watched me trying to push this man in a HEFTY bag down into the water. After baptizing him, we noticed that his head and feet …

Adventures of Steve Higginbotham

We are very fortunate to have many young families and even more young children present in our worship services. While I would not trade that situation for anything, I will say that it can become very difficult to preach at times. In a two-year period, we had nearly 30 babies born. Add these babies with the already abundant children, and it can get rather noisy at times. On more occasions than I can count, the children have won and I have lost when it comes to gaining and keeping the attention of the assembly. I remember one Sunday morning when a particularly rowdy little girl gained the attention of nearly the entire assembly, even the preacher! This little girl was responsible for many of my sermons falling on deaf, or should I say, distracted ears due to her escapades. To put it mildly, she was out of control. As was her family’s habit, she was sitting on the second pew, front and center when she decided to play with a large metal slinky. And play with it she did! All through the worship service. While one end of the slinky was being held at one far end of the pew, she walked, holding the other end to the far end of the pew. When I saw this, I knew it was only a matter of moments until the slinky would either break, or she would let go and the slinky would go sailing to the other end. I also noticed …

Adventures of Steve Smithbauer

Many devoted subscribers to the Readers’ Digest will recall the section entitled, “Laughter is the Best Medicine.” If laughter is the “oil of life” it is certainly beneficial to have a sense of humor to keep one “lubricated” throughout the more trying times. As a preacher, I have always been amused at some of the thoughts expressed in prayer. One elderly Christian gentleman used to pray to God in the “humble altitude of prayer.” Most everyone knew what he meant and would never correct him for fear of hurting his feelings. Or, was it intentional? If you think about it, it is certainly a lofty concept when we are accessing the God of heaven! I have always appreciated prayers on my behalf as I am about to step into the pulpit to preach. I know that those comments are well intentioned, but many times it is hard to keep one’s mind on the prayer when some comments are made. One brother recently prayed for me to be able to recall what I had studied by asking the Lord to “Clear his mind of those things he wishes to present.” I envisioned God’s finger upon a “delete” button that would have made people happy to go home early that day! Brethren are great to support the local preacher in prayer, as well as his family. I am still trying to figure out the meaning of one member’s prayer for my family and myself, who “Works among us from time to time.” …

Adventures of Albert E. Farley

Preacher Funnies When one of our elderly members, who was past 90 years of age, suffered a major stroke, she was unable to speak for many weeks. As I visited with her in the days and weeks afterward, her eyes would search my face as she tried to speak but could not. I would speak with her and knew she could understand my words but not respond. I prayed with her before leaving, and would ask if there was anything she wanted me to do for her. Her eyes would often fill with tears. After many weeks, she began to regain and to redevelop her ability to use her muscles and she tried very hard to speak. There seemed to be a plea in her face as she struggled to say something. She would earnestly look up into my face and seek to speak but could not form her words clearly enough to be understood. Finally, a day came when I began to recognize her words. With some difficulty, I heard her slowly say, “I want to ask you something.” After all of the weeks of not being able to speak, she was now able to make me understand what was in her heart! At last, after all the weeks of looking up and searching my face and eyes, she was able to make her first request known to me. I said, “Of course, you may ask me anything.” I took her hands and bent over so I could closely observe her face and …

Adventures of Steve Stevens

It was in the fall of 1991, just after a new funeral home had opened its doors outside the small town of Hundred, WV. I had the chance privilege of conducting the first service in this new funeral home for a faithful member of the congregation in Hundred. She was a widow who did not have any children. She had served the Lord faithfully all the years I had known her. It did not make any difference what needed to be done — visitation, finances, cleaning the building, meals prepared — she was always there to do her part. It is hard to lose this kind of member from a small congregation because they are so hard to replace. The year 1991 proved to be a difficult year for this congregation, for yet four more members just like her would leave this world and go into eternity. These things made her funeral sermon easier to preach than a lot of others I have done over the years. Everything had gone smoothly through the service at the funeral home and we prepared to make the journey to the graveside for the committal service of our departed sister. It has become customary for me to ride in the funeral coach to the cemetery whenever possible. And, in the event I do have to drive, as the minister, I usually lead the procession to the cemetery. However, the events of that day had pressed me for time, and, therefore, I had made arrangements …

Adventures of Frank Higginbotham

One wedding that I conducted was for a very unlikely couple. The man was very short and small while the woman was just the opposite. She was very tall and towered over her husband. All the neighbors were outside viewing the couple after the wedding. One neighbor called me over. He said to me, “If I were a boxer and you were a matchmaker, I wouldn’t want you working for me.” At one wedding when the groom’s group had all gone to the room waiting the beginning of the wedding, the door suddenly opened and we were told that one of the tuxedos was minus a pair of pants. The groom asked whose pants were missing. I replied that if he would just wait a few minutes he would be able to tell pretty quickly. A family in the church had invited the preacher to come to their house for Sunday dinner. They went on ahead to make preparations for the meal. Upon arriving home, the pet Poodle was let out of the house for a few minutes. The preacher arrived at the front door and the man of the house opened the door to let him in. The wife hearing the noise thought that the Poodle was coming back in and called to her husband to grab him quick and wipe his feet before he got on the carpet. The preacher was surprised and later said that he had never received such a greeting. A couple had invited a lady …

Adventures of Charles J. Abei

Laugh-In:  In 1962, after I had been preaching only a few months at Sistersville WV, the brethren asked me to preach a Gospel meeting there. It was a good meeting, resulting in several baptisms and restorations — but not on the particular night on which the following incident occurred. As the people gathered, one man named Brookover sat down near the front and promptly went to sleep. [He was on medication which inclined him to be very drowsy]. As the singing began, he awoke and sang with us, but when the preaching began he promptly went back to sleep. As I preached, he gradually scooted down in the pew, and eventually he began to snore. A few snickers went over the audience. His snoring got louder and louder, until loud laughter began first in one area, then another. It got so funny I couldn’t preach any more, so I stopped and said, “Will one of you awaken our brother?” Someone later suggested that they should have said, “You waken him; you put him to sleep!” But they were merciful and spared me that. Instead, Bill Cokeley slid across the pew and elbowed Brookover in the ribs, whereupon everyone roared with laughter. Brookover jumped awake, thought I must have told a joke, and himself started laughing. At that, the laughing only became louder. After a while it died down and I started to preach again, but it was no use. I couldn’t say more than a half dozen words until the …

Adventures of Buck Groves

Lights Out! Preaching in the Ohio Valley has many special blessings to enjoy.  There are several strong faithful congregations around that work together for the cause of Christ and can help one another in many ways.  Being so close to one another affords us many opportunities to attend one another’s Gospel meetings and once in a while even to exchange pulpits. On one occasion I had the opportunity to exchange pulpits with a brother on a Sunday morning.  I taught the morning Bible class and preached the morning lesson.  I had been there before several times to visit them during Gospel meetings but never preached for them before.  It was a small congregation like the one for which I preached and felt right at home with these fine brethren. I chose to use a sermon that morning that I had heard about 30 years before and I had already preached it at home as well.  The sermon was titled, “The Day Christ Came Again” and the first time I had heard it I enjoyed it very much.  I made some changes, but it was still about the same as I remembered it. The audience was very attentive and even the children seemed to be extra quiet as they listened to the lesson.  Just as I got to the place where there was darkness all around and many in the lesson were trying to find a place to hide from the Lord, all of the lights went out in the building. …

Adventures of Adron Doran

My first Gospel meeting was conducted at the Old Bald church of Christ in Bartersville, Kentucky during the summer of 1929.  The wife of one of the elders was afflicted with a serious nervous disorder.  At times she would speak aloud in church. During one of my sermons, in which I thought I was speaking eloquently and had reached a high point in my preaching, Mrs. Miller cried out loudly, “No!” As an 18 year old preacher I was greatly shook up because I thought she was disagreeing with what I said.  I finally recovered my composure and proceeded to finish without further interference. Some of the brethren later explained the situation to me. Yum, Yum! I was preaching during a Gospel meeting in Kenton, Tennessee.  The weather was hot and dry.  All of the windows and doors were open without screens.  The church building was equipped with kerosene lamps hanging on the walls.  The candle flies and bugs were plentiful.  They congregated around the lamps but once in a while one would stray afar.  One night when I was preaching away with open mouth, one of the oversized bugs flew into my mouth.  I sputtered, coughed and carried on in sight to behold. Howard McMackin, the song leader, was sitting on the front seat.  Loudly enough to be heard by all, Howard said, “He was a stranger and you took him in.” Splish, Splash! I was holding a meeting with the Central church of Christ, St. Louis, MO.  A large …

Some Adventures of John Hamilton

Some Adventures of John Hamilton While located with the church at Bloomington, Illinois, James Smythe, a student at the University of Illinois, was preaching for them until we moved to work with them regularly. They had a sister attending that had a husband that had some mental problems.  Brother Smythe had counseled her. Her husband threatened to shoot brother Smythe. After brother Smythe left, I was preaching one Lord’s Day morning and he came to the service and just stood in the doorway. He put his hand in his inside coat pocket. Brother Tom Fann reached up and took him by the arm and pulled him down in the seat beside him. I didn’t think he had a gun but I didn’t know! Another interesting thing happened. We did not have a church building (we met in a residence building we had bought on contract).  The town barber responded to the invitation and we had to decide where to baptize him. The Baptists said we could use their baptistery if we would bring the candidate to be baptized when we had several. At that time we were having winter weather. The good sisters could come along to help clean up after baptismal services he said.  There was a black Church of God on Taylor Street. They used a watering tank to baptize in.  The candidate would enter one end, and sit down in the tank. The preacher would stand on the outside and perform the immersion. We were having a Gospel …

More Adventures in Arkansas

Nearing graduation from Memphis School of Preaching, one of the congregations to which I went to “try-out” was in the foothills of the Ozark Mountains. The town consisted of a collection of homes at a certain point along a primary, two-lane East-West highway. I was convinced that the first man I met inside the little church house was a vagrant. Later to my surprise, I realized that the snaggle-toothed gentleman in the badly wrinkled jacket was the chief elder. After morning worship my family and I were greeted by the other elder. He informed us that it was his job to feed visiting preachers, however, that day he had company. The brother gave us a $10 bill and advised us that there was a restaurant just out of town to the West. The restaurant was really the front porch of a small frame dwelling. We entered and stood hovering over diners already seated, waiting for our turn. The room was so small and the tables so close together that we literally filled the space between the tables. Later that day, the two elders discussed the work with us. One of the most interesting, though not desirable, terms of employment concerned the relationship between the preacher’s vacation and Gospel meetings the little church would host. The successful candidate for the pulpit work there was required to take an unpaid vacation anytime the congregation had a Gospel meeting. Our first work after graduation was in the mountains of Virginia! Rebecca’s Spanking One day while I was …

Adventures in Arkansas

While a student at Memphis School of Preaching, one Sunday I “filled in” for a fellow student who was out of town and unable to fulfill his preaching responsibility. The small rural Arkansas congregation for which he preached was about 80 miles from Memphis. Probably never before and perhaps never again will I experience so many comical incidents in a single day — while attempting to preach the Gospel. That Lord’s Day I was accompanied by a teenage foster boy who lived down the street from our residence in Memphis. We traveled a great distance on paved highways before turning on to a dirt road. We literally drove until there was no more road. Finally, we parked the car and walked across railroad tracks into a small, isolated community. For this northerner, the collection of frame houses with tin roofs and built on stilts was a curiosity. The only church building there was our destination. We arrived way early since we were uncertain of the hereto unproved directions or of the time it would take us to find the building. The directions, though, were perfect and we allowed ourselves more than ample time. Upon our arrival, our initial concern was locating a rest room. We were unable to find such in the meeting house and the “his and hers” outhouses were overgrown with briars. Evidently, they were not used in recent years. So, we approached the only brick home in the community, which was owned by members of the church. …